Zimbabwe Cabinet Calls Meeting To Threaten God

Zimbabwean farmers face a bleak season as rains refuse to fall, leading Cabinet to announce that it will meet next week "over the dry spell", although it is unclear what exactly they intend to do to God about this.. Of course, this is all a convenient scapegoat for the failure by the Inclusive Government of Morgan Tsvangirai and Robert Mugabe to turn its attention away from the feeding trough to the farming season. Fertiliser is in short supply and seed was late arriving in Zimbabwe. Now the MDC-T will also adopt Mugabe's perennial excuse for bad planning - "there was a drought"!

Harare, Zimbabwe, 24 January 2010

Zimbabwe's completely useless and lunatic fringe, masquerading as a Cabinet, has announced that it will convene an urgent meeting "over the dry spell"that is threatening to plunge the country into another year of food shortages.

What exactly they intend to do at this meeting about this "Act of God"remains a mystery.

The drooling Minister Of Agriculture and Irrigation and Threats Against God in the Inclusive Government, Dr Joseph Made, says:

“It cannot be denied that crops have been badly affected by the dry spell in most parts of the country. However, it is too early to speculate that there is going to be a drought."

Finance Minister and MDC-Tsvangirai Secretary-General Tendai Biti also came out with a comic act of his own, telling State media:

“The Ministry of Agriculture has not yet told to us if there is going to be a drought.!"

So now the Ministry of Agriculture is a Ministry of Prophecies and the Reading of God's Mind?

There is no need to ask the useless Joseph Made (who is normally busy as Mugabe's farm manager) whether there is going to be a drought or not. Farmers are worried in Zimbabwe because their crops are wilting.

Of course, the so-called "New Farmers", the black beneficiaries of Mugabe's farm invasions, have looted irrigation equipment, which means that, even in areas that lie beside dams, no irrigation an take place.

Talk about dying of thirst while your feet are in water!!

Since it is now clear that MDC-T and ZANU PF both believe in dictating on the economy, in people's lives and in every aspect of governance, we can assume that they intend to give an ultimatum to God to deliver the rains.

Perhaps Prime Minister Tsvangirai will threaten to pull out of the GNU unless God delivers that rain within 30 days?!

And Mugabe?

He will probably send youths up there with axe handles and whips, shovels and other tools of their trade to teach God a lesson that Zimbabwe is a sovereign country and he does not take kindly to that sovereignty being tampered with, even by the Creator himself.

There is no doubt about it at all: this country passed the "Banana Republic"milestone a long time ago and our leaders continue to show supreme incompetence in both thought and action.

Meantime, all hope now rests in donor funds (which will be looted promptly and never make it to intended beneficiaries). Joseph Made says he is now talking to the Food and Agricultural Organisation, a United Nations Agency, about rehabilitating the looted and vandalised irrigation equipment.

Whether donors will be in a mood to support such a plainly corrupt government is another matter.

Of immediate concern is why irrigation is only be talked about now. Mugabe himself has said in public that every year, his ministers know that there is going to be a November and a December, when Zimbabwe farmers are supposed to start planting. They know every year in January that, at the end of that year, there needs to be fertiliser and seed available in the shops for farmers to purchase in order to revive this agriculture-based economy.

Why then has this been a problem for the last ten years or so?

It is only because both MDC-T and ZANU PF prefer the situation where, instead of being self-sufficient, farmers have to suffer the indignity of asking for handouts from the government every single year.

This way, the farmers and their families can be controlled.

The MDC itself, you will recall, also joined the party when it tried to import maize and meal to distribute before it was part of the Inclusively Corrupt Government. Mugabe simply held up the food at the border and refused to let it in the country.

Now that the MDC-T is part of government, they can not be stopped from giving handouts to their supporters and potential supporters in an effort to buy their votes.

We still have a long way to go before this country can be sorted out and that sorting out is not going to come from the MDC-T or ZANU PF.

They do not want to hear this and would rather we all praise the Emperors, saying what nice clothes they have, although we know for a fact that they are naked, unclothed and embarrassing everybody.



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