On CNN, Mugabe Denies Everything

"What pink elephant?" - Mugabe appeared to live in world all his own in a rare interview with CNN, whom he kicked out and banned from Zimbabwe for years. For the first time, he spoke about Roy Bennett and all but confirmed that he will run again for President.

Harare, Zimbabwe, 25 September 2009

Robert "The Solution" Mugabe granted an extremely rare interview to Christiane Amanpour of CNN this week. It was aired last night and billed as one of the biggest story of the day by the network.

Speaking to the same news organisation that he has banned from Zimbabwe, Mugabe essentially denied any knowledge of any hardships in Zimbabwe and insisted that his arrangement with Morgan Tsvangirai is working well.

Although refusing to say whether he will run again for the elections he says should be conducted in 2011, he hinted that he will, saying:

"You don't leave power when imperialists dictate that you leave."

He expressed outrage at what he said was a "regime change programme by the United States and Britain". He sounded indignant that they did not only want him out of power, but his party as well. To him that is unthinkable, of course.

Mugabe also for the first time publicly confirmed that he will not be swearing in Roy Bennett until the charges against him are dropped, even as he admitted that he has "heard that the prosecution lacks evidence in the case."

Then, Mugabe contradicted himself.

Having said that Zimbabwe is "not a basketcase", he went on to demand that sanctions be lifted, calling them illegal and unjustified. They are affecting the country, adversely, he said. Yet we are not a basketcase?

Mugabe also took a swipe at Archbishop Desmond Tutu, calling him a "little man." He has previously described Tutu in an interview as a "bitter little bishop".

All said, it was really a case of The Solution ignoring the large pink elephant in the room.

Mugabe's media skills have declined markedly and he was irritable throughout the interview. Used to being coddled by State media and sycophants, he appeared shocked when direct questions were asked, stammering when confronted with the issue of Roy Bennett, which he did not expect to be asked.

From this interview, however, we can now confirm that Mugabe will run again for the office of President of The Banana Republic of Zimbabwe.

Which means lots and lots of Banana Splits for the next six years or so.

Even Morgan Tsvangirai agrees with the President and The Solution, saying "President Mugabe is going nowhere until we achieve positive results." Those results are not likely to come as long as Mugabe remains at the helm.

Which means, according to both Mugabe and Tsvangirai, Mugabe is not going anywhere until he dies.

Buckle up.